Although the Agony Aunt reply was very sympathetic, I felt that one or two points were missed.

First of all, when "L" was living in Gambia I feel he would have enjoyed a certain amount of status from having a job at all, and with that job came the responsibility of being relied upon and trusted by the tourists he guided.

Also (and I have been informed of this by a Gambian) some Gambians believe there is prestige to be gained from courting a white girl. All of this prestige and status would have been lost when he came to the UK and found himself at the "bottom of the pile" to speak, in terms of jobs, earning capacity, local knowledge, etc., and this, coupled with cultural isolation and loss of his close family could easily have led to depression, which is quite a common cause of loss of libido in men.

I know nothing of the sex lives of these men, but I was very impressed this year at witnessing how warm and loving Gambian men were with their children. They didn't fit into my stereotype of stern African patriarchs at all.

Secondly, I think perhaps there is a danger of forgetting the most important person in this relationship, and that is your daughter.

For nearly half her life now, she has had this guy as a 'step dad'. Is he a good dad to her? If he is, then strenuous efforts must be made to ensure that her young life is not disrupted any further.

Your accusations over his only wanting you for a permanent visa are rather muddled. If that was all he wanted, it wouldn't make sense to treat you like this, because you could easily get fed up and ask him to leave.

Also, his reluctance to have a child may stem from a fear that this country would then have a permanent hold on him, through the child. I know Muslims take fatherhood very seriously, so again I don't believe that the visa accusation is quite fair.

Sometimes I think too much can be made of the cultural and religious differences. If a couple are well matched, such differences can usually be overcome.

Sometimes the problem is a much more basic and common one, such as male reticence to discuss or recognise that there is a problem. It's important to bear in mind, too, that a lot of relationships break up, especially around the three year mark.

Finally, I don't think it's a joke at all, I think it's very sad. I hope for the sake of everyone you can reconcile your differences.